How did I end up in this place

„How did I end up in this place"" بعيد عن العين، بعيد عن القلب is a solo dance performance, creating a set up of an Egyptian underground nightclub where women dance to men. In this set up all the elements come together to challenge the idea of the female body on display and how the body can own its desire again and control the male gaze. Speaking out and not feeling ashamed of enjoying it, enjoying the body itself. The words in the performances are floating between Arabic and English language, there is no direct translation but rather the possibility of experiencing what certain languages allow us to express and how they talk about certain feelings and emotions. Both during the research and during the performance, I realized that when discussing certain topics the majority of people prefer to speak English. I noticed that Arabic synonyms are often not being used because of their social stigma, just like the female body is socially stigmatized. ""أريد ان أمارس لغتي الأم في كل ما هو غير مباح مثل الجنس"" “Sometimes I want to feel my desires run wild like the red flames of the sun, but I waited for the sin to be forgiven” The story of a recurring daydream, made up of the colour red and a fabricated conversation full of half sentences and misunderstandings, perfect like a joke. The performance reveals the story behind a red daydream with a dynamic and intense repeated melody which allows the audience to experience extreme emotions of joy and trauma with me. The duality of pain and pleasure, touching loads of emotions and desires that usually remain hidden and unspoken.