Ich hätte lieber einen anderen Film gemacht

“I’d Rather Have Made Another Film” is an experimental essayistic documentary film, in which the director tackles the painful memories of the sexualised violence she was subjected to in her childhood, the consequences of which she still struggles with. ""At the beginning of November 2018 I decided to make an autobiographical film. I thought I could make it easy for myself. I would read out the clinic’s psychiatric report: The patient reported that she had been sexually abused by her father from the age of 11 to 15 years old. They say, it’s treatable. Maybe I would be just as sad if none of this had happened?"" In a voice-over, Suse Itzel talks about the sexual violence that she endured as a child and teenager and the consequences this kind of violence can have. An experimental sequence of images accompanies the spoken word. Photographs from the past: pictures of a living room that no longer exists. The family only appearing in photos as gaps. A green couch on old photos and replicated in sculpture form. Pictures as projections in space: painful memories, which reemerge in the present. In psychiatry rooms, atelier rooms or the rooms of a flat share. Attempts at therapy.